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Because it doesn’t matter where LeBron goes, or where Carmelo goes, or if they become the Big Two and make a Decision to play together in [insert city here]. Put together all the great players you want, NBA owner looking to make a splash. Players don’t win championships – teams do. And as long as the Spurs are run by Gregg Popovich and RC Buford, they’ll always have the best team.

The Spurs should be the two-time defending NBA champions. They were a crazy Ray Allen three-pointer away from winning in six games last season (covered perfectly by Grantland grand poo bah Bill Simmons), and this year they took apart the Heat and its Big Three, winning in five games.

Did you know, that on the same day LeBron opted out of his contract, Tim Duncan exercised his 10.3M option with the Spurs? See if you can find the story on ESPN’s front page.

It’s in the headlines, eight stories down. Why isn’t it getting the same coverage as LeBron? Because just like the Spurs, it’s not flashy or attention grabbing. It’s just a good old fashioned team-first basketball mentality.

It’s fitting that the Spurs won the NBA Championship in 2014, the same year as the World Cup. No one comes as close to the Beautiful Game on the basketball court as San Antonio. A friend and I were talking about this the other day (well, texting about it, but that’s basically talking now): San Antonio is America’s version of a top-class futbol – yeah, I said it – program. Their roster is filled with players from different countries; those players all had essentially professional play experience by the time they got to the Spurs; the players are coached to play fluidly and think and not drilled to follow each play step by step; they are coached to do one-touch passing until they find the open player; the players are all team first.

Who are these players, and what is it about them that they are able to maintain this team first mentality through thick and thin? Let’s take a look at the Spurs roster, focusing on the players who saw extensive playing time during the playoffs.

Starters:
Tony Parker – from Belgium, played minor league basketball in France from 1997-1999 and professionally in France from 1999-2001, 28th overall pick (2001)
Kawhi Leonard – from USA, played two years at San Diego State, 15th overall pick (2011)
Danny Green – from USA, played all four years at UNC, 46th overall pick (2009)
Boris Diaw – from France, played professionally in France 2000-03, 21st overall pick (2003)
Tim Duncan – from US Virgin Islands, played all four years at Wake Forest, 1st overall pick (1997)

Key Reserves:
Marco Belinelli – from Italy, played professional basketball in Italy from 2002-2007, 18th overall pick (2007)
Matt Bonner – from USA, played all four years at Florida, played professional basketball in Italy in 2003-04, 45th overall pick (2003)
Manu Ginobli – from Argentina, played professional basketball in Argentina from 1995-98, played professional basketball in Italy from 1998-2002, 57th overall pick (1999)
Patty Mills – from Australia, played two years at St. Mary’s (Calif.), played two games in the NBDL, professionally in Australia and China during the NBA lockout in 2011-12, 55th overall pick (2009)
Tiago Splitter – from Brazil, played professionally in Spain from 2000-10, 28th overall pick (2007)

Here’s what I notice from this group: players born in the USA are outnumbered, 7-3 (I’m including Duncan in the non-USA group). All 10 players had a minimum of two years playing basketball at least at a semi-pro (i.e. college) level, with the international players averaging approximately 3.0 years of playing in a professional league before reaching the NBA. The only player drafted in the top-10 in that entire group is Duncan (which makes the Spurs’ dynasty even more incredible, considering they are always going late in the NBA Draft).

I don’t think it’s a stretch to say that the players from overseas also played soccer growing up. I think that helps with the team first mentality. You’re not going to win in soccer if you play 1 v 11. In basketball, playing 1 v 5 is not advisable, yet it probably happens more often than not for those high school kids who are good enough to go right to the NBA. Then they go to college for that one year of “where will they go in the NBA Draft,” and then it’s off to the NBA. The biggest reason that you are seeing the Mercers and Lehighs beating big name schools in the NCAA Tournament is that they are teams, going against players.

Certainly LeBron and KD are exceptions (and exceptional), players who went straight to the NBA or played just one year in college and became superstars right out of the gate. Perhaps Andrew Wiggins and Jabari Parker will have the same kind of immediate success. I have my doubts, but I’ve been wrong before. Regardless, I’m already looking forward to watching the Spurs play. As Chris Bosh put it after the Spurs dominated the Heat in game four of the Finals, “They’re playing beautiful basketball.”

Today we found out that Flip Saunders the GM of the Minnesota Timberwolves had hired a familiar name to coach the Timberwolves, a gentleman who coached the T-Wolves from 1995-2005 who goes by the name of…Flip Saunders.

I am not a hockey fan. Growing up in Florida, we didn’t do a whole lot with hockey. The Panthers had their run to the Stanley Cup Finals and then were swept right back into mediocrity by the Avalanche. Tampa Bay won the Cup a few years back, but let’s be honest – who outside of Tampa really cares about Tampa teams?

I would watch the obligatory playoff game(s), I would crack the occasional (on the nose) “I turned on a fight and a hockey game broke out” joke, but that was the extent of my involvement with hockey. So I have no reason to pull for either team in the 2014 Finals. But I am a huge New York Rangers fan now. You might argue that it’s because I live in the NY area (I do), or because I have money on the game (I don’t), but it’s more than that. In fact, it’s Moore.

The three brothers Moore (Mark, Steve, Dominic) all grew up in Toronto, all attended Harvard, all played hockey for the Crimson (even overlapping for one year, 1999-2000), all went on to professional hockey careers, all saw their careers either shortened by bad luck, incredibly stupidity (not on their part) and heart break.

BAD LUCK
Mark was drafted by the Penguins in 1997, graduated from Harvard in 2000, went to Pittsburgh’s training camp and was sent to the minors. He was never able to make it to the Big Show, as he suffered a career-ending concussion when a teammate’s helmet collided with his chin during practice.

INCREDIBLE STUPIDITY
It seems unfair to label what happened to Steve as incredible stupidity, but I really can’t think of what else to call it. I don’t believe that what happened to him was malicious, it was just one of those “my name is Iniego Montoya, you killed my father, prepare to die” situations that seems (seemed?) so prevalent in hockey. I’m referring, of course, to this:

Even I, non-hockey fan that I am, remember this incident. March 8, 2004, Todd Bertuzzi punched Steve in the back of the head and then essentially pushed Steve’s face into the ice. I don’t feel that Bertuzzi meant to hurt Steve any more than the hurt that is inflicted in a “normal” hockey fight. But it was just so stupid, so incredibly unthinking of Bertuzzi to hit a guy like that.

Steve suffered three fractured neck vertebrae, facial cuts and a concussion and Bertuzzi was suspended indefinitely, which basically became the rest of that season and all of next season as the NHL was locked out. In fact, Bertuzzi was suspended for 17 months…and missed only 20 games. He also lost out on approximately $900,000 in salary and endorsements.

NHL Commissioner Gary Bettman said the victim suffered, among other things, “uncertainty, anxiety, stress and emotional pain for the…family.” Wait, Bettman was actually referring to Bertuzzi in that quote? That was why he lifted the indefinite suspension?! Gary Bettman, everyone!

Again I don’t believe that Bertuzzi meant to cause the damage that he did. I think it was just a moronic action by someone who obviously wasn’t giving the consequences of his actions even a first thought. I certainly hope that Bertuzzi feels guilty about what happened and thinks about it every day. But regardless, Steve’s career was over.

HEARTBREAK
Dominic did not suffer any physical harm, but I would argue that of the three brothers, he was hit the hardest. He was drafted by the Rangers in 2003 and then went through seven trades and nine teams over the course of nine seasons. His college sweetheart, Katie, who played soccer at Harvard, traveled with him every step of the way. But then in 2012, Katie was diagnosed with cancer and Dominic stepped away from hockey altogether as she fought, and sadly lost, the good fight. ESPN’s Outside the Lines and Jeremy Schapp did a masterful job of telling the story. WARNING: when you watch this video, wherever you are, dust will attack your eyes. You will need tissues.

I know that the Rangers winning the Stanley Cup will not allow Mark or Steve to resume their hockey careers, or bring Katie back to Dominic. But for a family that seems to have suffered so much within and outside of the sport, it would be great if the sport could give something back to them. That is why I will be actively, and loudly, cheering on the Blueshirts.

First I gotta figure out how this sport works.

NOTE: Dominic started a foundation in his wife’s name to help patients and families deal with rare cancers: http://www.katiemoore.org/

Steve established a foundation that focuses on the prevention and treatment of concussions and other head/neck injuries: http://www.stevemoorefoundation.org/

Mark wrote a book about hockey entitled Saving The Game.

Chelsea Handler has been in the news a lot lately. First, she was one of the names thrown about as possible replacements for David Letterman, who is retiring in 2015. Then, more recently, she made herself a the name throw about as a possible replacement for Craig Ferguson, who by all accounts is not retiring at all. Then Handler took herself right out of the running to replace the non-retiring Ferguson by saying she will never ever work for a “regular network.” Whether that was her decision, or CBS’ decision, we’ll never know.

Seeing her name bandied about reminded me of a question I have asked myself many times since I first heard of the host of Chelsea Lately: is Chelsea Handler funny?

My first experience actually listening to Chelsea Handler was when she was a guest on the Howard Stern Show in October of 2012, and I found her to be…offputting. I couldn’t put my finger on what it was, but something about her bothered me. She was an interesting interview, to be sure, but she seemed too quick to make fun of people she had met or dated or interacted with. Plus I felt that she wasn’t as thankful to Howard as she should have been, as (in my estimation at least) she wouldn’t have the career she’s had without him paving the way.

But regardless, that really wasn’t enough of a Chelsea Handler experience to make a determination as to her funniness. So I posed the question on Facebook, to ask if anyone found her funny and if so, why. The only responses I received were other guys who also didn’t understand what about Handler was funny.

So I decided to watch her show on E! to see if I could figure out what made her so popular. Chelsea Lately has been on since 2007, its YouTube page has over 300,000 subscribers…so it’s gotta be funny, right?

I watched a week’s worth of episodes. The format seems to be: a brief opening monologue by Handler, followed by the opening credits, followed by Handler introducing her panel. It’s three people, most if not all stand-up comedians, although I had never heard of any of the panelists from any of the four shows that I watched that particular week.

Handler then goes topic-by-topic, with each panelist getting a chance to make a joke about the subject matter, with Handler getting the final line. She then goes to the next topic; rinse, repeat. The final segment is a celebrity interview – the ones that I watched seemed more about Handler than the guest. (I certainly didn’t learn anything about the guest, although to be fair, the late night show format as a whole – Daily Show and Colbert Report not included – is pretty lame when it comes to the interviews.)

My assumption is that the panelists are also writers on Chelsea Lately, which, if true, makes me wonder if the stuff they’re writing for Handler is really their best jokes. I mean, if you’re going to be on the show yourself, would you really want to give your best material to someone else to use?

Regardless of who is writing for whom, I didn’t find anything anyone said particularly funny, and that includes Handler herself. Her comedy doesn’t seem to be comedy per se, she just says things that are inappropriate or just plain mean. She goes to the stereotype well too quickly; there isn’t any substance or intelligence behind her jokes.

In a recent appearance on the Stern Show, she told a story of a joke that E! asked her not to use. The joke was about Ryan Seacrest and how it’s weird for a straight man to be covering the Oscars. The punchline was that any straight guy who covers the Oscars should be forced to have gay sex. Handler said E! asked her not to go with the joke because it’s making fun of Ryan Seacrest. I say E! asked her not to go with the joke because it’s terrible. Not funny. Just terrible.

But that’s her “humor.” That’s what constitutes comedy for her. We all know people, men and women, who say ridiculous things as a way to get a laugh, and Chelsea Handler seems to fall in this category. Obviously this has worked quiet well for her, at least on E!. (It did not work so well on her sitcom on NBC. And this is NBC we’re talking about.) I’ve never seen her live. She has had four successful books – full disclosure, I’ve read nary a one. My wife couldn’t get past the first few pages of Are You There, Vodka? It’s Me, Chelsea.

Having listened to Handler twice on the Stern Show, I think she’s interesting. She’s obviously very smart and she has good stories to tell, when she’s not resorting to weak stereotype punchlines. But I just don’t see her as a late night host on a major network. I think E! suits her because she doesn’t have to worry about ratings and she can get away with a lot of “jokes” that she probably wouldn’t be allowed to say on CBS/NBC/ABC. FOX, maybe. But not the other three.

Many people have correctly stated that it’s ridiculous that there are no women on late night, and I agree with that. I know Tina Fey’s name has been thrown about, but she’s executive producing TV shows and starring in movies, so I don’t see her jumping into the late night rat race anytime soon (if ever). Ellen Degeneres is very funny, but why would she want to leave her successful day-time talk show? Samantha Bee is a possibility, but my guess is that TV executives would want someone with hosting experience to take over one of the main late night shows. With Colbert moving to Letterman’s spot, Bee would be an excellent choice (maybe along with her husband Jason Jones) to take over the slot after The Daily Show.

But that’s another story for another day. I know I’ve only watched four episodes of Chelsea Lately, but I still don’t get what makes her funny. I feel I have a pretty normal sense of humor. I think Family Guy is funny. I love Parks and Rec. I’m a huge Howard Stern fan. I listen to the comedians on SiriusXM’s comedy channels and I laugh. But Chelsea Handler just doesn’t do it for me. Is it a guy thing? Is that why I don’t get her? I could see her being good on a Bill Maher-type show, where she can host a panel that discusses various topics, where she can give her honest opinion rather than make jokes. For me, jokes are not her strong suit. I’d like to think that it’s not me, it’s her, but I’m just waiting to hear from someone who finds her funny.

So I guess what I’m asking is, Are You There, People Who Find Chelsea Handler Funny? It’s Me, Someone Who Doesn’t.

After UConn defeated Notre Dame in the women’s basketball championship, ESPN reporter Holly Rowe asked Huskies head coach Geno Auriemma,  “What is it about your standard of excellence that’s different from other coaches?”

I can’t tell you how much this question, and this type of question, bothers me. Oh wait, I can. And will.

ESPN is already pretty well known. It’s the world-wide leader in sports, for crying out loud. Do ESPN reporters really need to go out of their way to troll coaches for sound bytes? What other possible reason would Holly Rowe have for asking that question? She’s basically setting Geno up to say something critical about other women’s basketball coaches, therefore getting ESPN in the news “UConn head coach Geno Auriemma said on ESPN after the game…”

If Holly Rowe, and ESPN, really cared about finding out what makes Auriemma and UConn tick, maybe a better question would have been, “talk about your standard of excellence and what you expect from your players, even in the late stages of a blowout win.”

But no, Rowe went for the troll question, which apparently is what passes for reporting these days.

In Rowe’s defense, she’s not the only one. Nor is ESPN the only organization that resorts to these tactics. I just think it would be nice if we saw more attempts to report the news, and fewer attempts to become the news.

SPOILER ALERT: this contains the ending to the series finale of How I Met Your Mother. If you are a fan of the show but haven’t seen the finale yet, stop reading. If you’ve never watched the show but believe that you will one day binge watch the entire series, who are you kidding you never will. Keep on reading.

CBS’ hit show How I Met Your Mother called it quits after nine seasons, with the season finale on Monday, March 31. I thought the finale was great, until the final two minutes. It was sweet, it was silly, it was honest (friends drift apart – who knew?!) and it was funny. Then came the final two minutes, when older Ted – now played by actual Ted (Josh Radnor), not voice-over Ted (Bob Saget) – finishes the story to his kids about how he met their mother, who we now know passed away.

We realized that something bad was probably going to happen to the Mother in an earlier episode, when Ted got choked up talking about mothers not making it to their daughters’ weddings. Well, some of us realized it, anyway. My wife had to point it out to me.

Regardless, the season finale made our worries come true, as it showed time going by with Ted and Tracey getting together, having a baby, getting married, Tracey getting sick, etc. Then we got to the weird two minutes. Ted ends his story about how he met their mother, and the daughter immediately tells him that the story was really all about Aunt Robin and how Ted wants to ask her out but doesn’t know how to tell his kids. Short two minutes short, Ted goes to Robin and the show ends with him standing under her apartment window with the blue trumpet he stole for her earlier in the series.

The How I Met Your Mother creators, Carter Bays and Craig Thomas, are certainly not against writing episodes that deal with the death of a loved one (see dad, Marshall’s). I have no problem with the story line including the Mother passing away. My issue is the show ended in such a way as to make it seem like Robin was Ted’s destiny, not the mother of his children, the focus of the story (and name of the show).

Ted and Robin did not work together. He wanted kids, she wanted a career. He was a sentimentalist, she was…not. He was a romantic, she was…also not. The finale showed us how well Ted and Tracey went together. But if we take the ending at face value, he had to go out and have kids with another woman so that he could end up with Robin. Yes, we are told that six years has passed since the Mother passed away, but for me that wasn’t enough. Not in terms of time – it could have been six months for all I care. I needed to know that Ted knew what we all knew – that Tracey was the love of his life, his soul-mate.

All it would have taken for the season finale to be perfect was one line. All we needed was for Ted to say “you know kids, your Aunt Robin will never replace your mother” or something similarly as cheesy. That way we know that Ted knows what we know.

I understand that ending a show is hard, that you’re never going to appease everyone. Like I said, I loved the season finale. I’m just a little surprised, with the job that Bays and Thomas have done with the show so far, that they didn’t think to add in that one tiny line.

Because the way the show ended, it kind of made msnbc reporter Adam Serwer’s tweet from January of 2013 come true:

How I Was Totally Into Your Aunt Robin For A Decade But She Married My Best Friend So I Settled For Your Mother.

I have been listening to the Howard Stern Show since 1997, when my brother-in-law turned me on to him. My first career choice, radio, came about because of the Howard Stern Show and his movie, Private Parts. I joined twitter simply because Howard joined twitter. I started watching America’s Got Talent simply because Howard was a judge on the show. I get irrationally angry when I hear people criticizing Stern, or the show. I immediately take a liking to anyone who is a fan of the show.

So for me to say that I wanted tickets to his upcoming Birthday Bash at the Hammerstein Ballroom in New York is an understatement.

I really, REALLY wanted tickets.

I can’t remember the last thing I’ve wanted as much as I wanted tickets for the Birthday Bash. Hearing Howard talk about it day after day, hearing the acts that would be appearing, the famous people who would be there just as fans…I WANTED tickets. The day the online sweepstakes was announced, I entered. When I got an error message, I tracked down Sirius’ support twitter handle to find out what the issue was and make sure that my entry was good to go. Every chance there was to sign up for tickets, I took it. I knew it was a longshot that I would be successful, and it was, because I wasn’t. But I also knew that there was another way: Howard was giving away tickets on his show, a pair each day. So I hatched a plan.

For the three weeks leading up to the bash, I was going to wake up at 5:30am and call in before the show started, hoping for a chance to play for tickets. I had a topic in mind that I thought was interesting (“I” being the operative term – see the note at the bottom of the page), so I was ready to go. Day one of my plan, I start calling at 5:40am and finally get through at 5:56am. I gave my name and location, “Trevor from Linden, NJ,” and the call-screener (Steve Brandano) said, “hey, Trevor Linden!” Me being the comedic genius I am, I hit him back with “yeah, you got it.” So he knows I’m going to be radio gold.

I learned a valuable lesson on that first day, which was NOT to call in using your home phone. When I had to leave for work, I had to hang up and call back on my cell phone. And it is not easy to get back on hold. But approximately 30 calls later, I finally get through again, and I say, “Hey it’s Trevor Linden again” (remember, I’m a comedic genius who’s going to be radio gold). The call screener (Steve Brandano) had no idea what I was talking about and I was forced to go back to “Trevor in Linden, N.J.” with the topic I wanted to discuss.

So this went on for two weeks. Sometimes I got through, sometimes I didn’t. Those times I got through, I was kept on hold for the entire show as Howard kept giving other people opportunities to play for tickets. There was also the time I got through and immediately hung up on myself, not to get through again that day.

Then, quickly, too quickly, we get to the final week. Three more shows before the Birthday Bash. Three more chances to get tickets. I call in on Monday morning at 5:40 am and finally get through at 5:55 am. I give my name and location and topic. The call screener (Steve Brandano) asks me, “you sticking with that topic?” “Excuse me?” I ask. “I’ve been putting you up with that topic for two weeks now and Howard hasn’t picked up on you,” he replies. “Well I do have another question for him, if you think that would be better,” I say. “What’s that?” he asks me. (On an aside – a very cool move by him. He could have put me on hold with the same dopey topic, but he went out of his way to give me a better chance.) I give him topic number two, he seems to think it’s better, he puts me on hold.

On hold is where I still am after the show ends, with nary a sniff at being on air. Tuesday is the same story. On hold at 5:55am, still on hold when the show ends.

So we get to Wednesday. Last live show until the Birthday Bash. Last chance for tickets. Comedian/Actor/Producer Jeff Garlin was a guest on Tuesday’s show, and he was terrific. Really, one of the best guests ever. It was his first time on the Stern Show and I was blown away by how funny and interesting he was. So I decide to change it up and I tell the screener (Steve Brandano) that I want to talk about how good a guest Garlin was. The screener (Steve Brandano) puts me on hold.

At around 6:10am, Howard takes a caller who talks about how good a guest Garlin was. “That’s it,” I say to myself. “No chance Howard picks up on me now that he’s already covered that particular topic.” Howard lets the guy play for tickets, he wins, and Howard starts to discuss something not Jeff Garlin. I resign myself to two facts: 1) I will not be getting tickets to the Birthday Bash, and b) I will be on hold for another four hours without getting on the air.

I always assumed that when Howard picked up on a caller, there is be some sort of click to alert the caller to the fact that they are on the air. But when the voice in my phone said: “Trevor in Linden, New Jersey,” it took me half a second to realize that that was me, and that I was on the air. I’m still not sure how I was able to start speaking right away, because my brain slowed to a crawl while my heart sped up to a mile a minute. I was sure that they would be able to hear my heart beating on the air, that’s how loud it felt to me.

But somehow, someway, I knew that I had to speak. I went with my first thought, which was to say “Hey Howard, how are you,” which is actually a mistake, because Howard doesn’t like when callers waste time with small talk. I realize this as soon as the “you” comes out of my mouth and after a brief awkward pause, I launch into why Jeff Garlin reminded me of Howard (in a good way), and how great a guest he was. (In my mind, I’m speaking a mile a minute and no one can understand me. Listening back to my few minutes on the air, I sounded almost normal.) Howard and I have a brief discussion about how good a guest Garlin was, and then I realize it’s my time to ask for a chance for birthday tickets. Howard says he isn’t sure if he has any to give away (I’m fairly certain he knew full well he had tickets to give away), but I point out that they didn’t give any away on Tuesday. Gary chimes in to say that these are the LAST PAIR OF TICKETS TO GIVE AWAY.

The game: they gave Beetlejuice (this guy) a line from a commonly-known song with a few words missing, and he has to fill in the missing words. The line: the wheels on the bus go ____ __ ____. Of course, the answer is “round and round,” or anything with the word “round.” “He knows it,” I say. I’m pretty confident with this answer – Beetlejuice has shown in the past that he knows children’s songs. But I ask to poll the room anyway. Fred thinks he knows it, Robin thinks he doesn’t, and Howard isn’t sure. I say I’m going with he knows it. But Howard won’t let that be my final answer. He keeps talking about what Beetle knows and what he doesn’t know, and how he knows what he knows, and how the odds are higher that Beetle doesn’t know, and how it’s rare for Beetle to get the right answer twice in the same game. THAT’S the line that gets to me. THAT’S the line that makes me change my answer.

To make a long story longer, Beetle knew the answer was round and round. Howard teased Robin for changing my mind, but I did it to myself. I made the classic mistake of not sticking with my first instinct. Howard asked Judge JD (one of the Stern staffers) if I should get a second chance, but JD said no. And I understood. I probably wouldn’t give me a second chance either, if I were in his shoes. Howard hung up on me as I was saying “no problem, I understand.” I stood their in my kitchen for a minute or two, before I went upstairs to give my wife the good bad news.

After three weeks of waking up at 5:30 am, after hours spent calling and calling, after hours spent on hold, I finally got my chance to play for tickets, I got the answer right, and then I got the answer wrong. I will not be going to the Birthday Bash.

I know there are many cool things about my story. For one, I got to speak to Howard. For two…well, ok, there’s only really one cool thing about my story. And to be honest, even going into the final day, there was a part of me that hoped that Howard would not pick up on me, because I had heard multiple people get the answer wrong when they played and I didn’t want to get a chance to screw up my one opportunity at tickets.

But I did get my chance, and I did screw it up, and I wouldn’t change it for anything.

Except winning the tickets. I would change it for that.

NOTE:
To put a nice big bow on this therapy session that hopefully will help me move past the fact that I had Birthday Tickets in my hand and gave them away (something I’ve been kicking myself for non-stop since it happened), here are the topics I went with during those first two+ weeks of calling. One was based off of Howard’s joke that he can bench 95 pounds 10 times. I was going to give him an easy way to increase his benchpress by not bringing the bar down all the way to your chest. It totally works. I don’t want to brag, but over the summer my 14-year-old niece told me I had big pecs. In retrospect, a pretty boring topic and a smart move on Howard’s part not to pick up on me. My second topic was to ask him if his dad is or was a sports fan. Ben Stern always strikes me as someone who would at least follow baseball, perhaps not as a die-hard fan but with a mild interest. Howard is NOT a sports fan, so I was curious if his dad ever talked with him about sports while he was growing up.

Both topics were legit, in the sense that they were things I really did want to discuss with Howard, but the end goal was always to play for tickets. It could be that on that Wednesday morning at 6:20am, Howard really wanted to talk about Jeff Garlin again (not as likely) or it could be that he had seen me on hold multiple times and decided to give me a chance (much more likely).