Latest Posts

#MarvelMadness

It galls me that Captain America: The First Avenger is not going to be voted the best Marvel movie in this completely arbitrary, fan-based, no-sports-right-now-so-let’s-ask-people-to-vote-on-this bracket done by SB Nation. I have been thinking about this all day. I have a nine-month-old daughter, and thinking about her (if we’re being honest) has been a distant second to thinking about the traveshamockery of the voters, and the bracket.

First things first, let’s get this out of the way: I think Captain America: The First Avenger is not only the greatest Marvel movie, but one of the best movies of all time. I can watch it over and over and over again. In fact, I have watched it over and over and over again. I will watch it over and over and over again, again. The story is great. The acting is great. The cast is incredible. Ignoring Chris Evans and Hayley Atwell and Sebastian Stan, you have Dominic Cooper, Tommy Lee Jones with his dry humor, Hugo Weaving as the bad guy, STANLEY TUCCI. And to top it off? The movie does not have a Hollywood, normal Super Hero ending. It’s a really sad ending. The first time I showed it to my mom, her first comment was “that was such a sad ending!”

So ok that’s taken care of. Now let’s look at the bracket SB Nation put together. All three Captain Americas in the same bracket? Dr. Strange (a great movie) against Captain America First Avenger (a great movie) in the first round? A possible matchup between Guardians of the Galaxy movies in the second round? Nope. So I went ahead and fixed it.

You’re welcome, SB Nation.

Captain America is the ACC; classic, historical, and all three movies make it to the quarterfinals, with two in the final four.

Iron Man is the Pac 12; yes, all three movies are in the bracket, but let’s be honest, there’s really only one that is good, and even that one isn’t quite as good as some of the other movies.

The Avengers movies are the Big Ten; great, but unfortunately, other movies are greater.

Thor is the Big 12; only one movie makes it past its opening matchup but then goes all the way to the finals.

Ant-Man is not a conference but a team: Gonzaga. While it can hold its own against the other, bigger movies, it can’t quite match their firepower.

Spider Man is the SEC; maybe not considered a powerhouse when compared to the rest of the Marvel movie universe but still fun and successful.

My bracket also includes upsets (End Game becomes the first top seed to fall, losing to eventual champion First Avenger, with Infinity War the next top seed to exit, falling to Guardians of the Galaxy in a nailbiter). Thor: Ragnarok defeats Dr. Strange, which is funny (to me), because Dr. Strange appears in Thor: Ragnarok and Thor appears in Dr. Strange. Civil War (which, let’s be honest, is basically another Avengers movie, probably would have made the finals if it were on the opposite side of the bracket but it still would have lost (barely) to First Avenger.

I know the SB Nation final bracket is going to look very different from the one I put together, but I can say with all confidence that their bracket will be wrong. You should only refer to mine as the real one. Captain’s orders.

Egged On

I had my first true full-frustration-with-my-daughter moment, and it didn’t feel good. I was feeding her scrambled eggs, and she was doing everything she could to get the eggs anywhere but in her mouth. She would grab the eggs and then just drop or fling them. I would try to feed her with the spoon and she would knock it away with hands or elbows (or both; she’s going to be a heckuva defender when playing basketball). It really frustrated me. I kept reminding myself that “she’s nine-months-old, she’s not doing this on purpose, etc etc yada yada yada.” But man, it really frustrated me. I finally gave up on the scrambled eggs by themselves, added some sweet potato to hold everything together better, and then the feeding went on without a(nother) hitch. It took me a little while to come down off of that, because man, it REALLY frustrated me.

(Editor’s note: She was bothered not even a little bit. In fact, I think she enjoyed it. And I know for a fact our dog loved it. Incredible edible egg, indeed.)

What I’ve Learned as a Father

I have now been a father for eight and a half months, and I have learned a lot during that time. About myself and…other things. Lots and lots of other things. Way too many other things.

WHAT I’VE LEARNED AFTER BECOMING A FATHER:

I learned there is a lot more to using a blender than putting food in and hitting “blend.”

I learned that avocados are impossible to be cut if they are not SUPER ripe.

I learned that three people — one of them an almost nine-month-old — can go through an entire household supply of silverware. In a single day. Multiple days a week.

I have learned that dishwashers really are a godsend.

I learned that I am very bad at snaps. Like, embarrassingly bad. Like, screwing up on the snaps of her clothes at least twice a day.

I learned a new level of exhaustion. Our daughter sleeps through the night, and we get more sleep now than we did before she arrived, and yet I am completely wiped every hour of every day. I can’t even imagine what it must be like for parents of kids who don’t sleep. My heart, and coffee, goes out to them.

I have learned that ignoring laundry for one day makes the pile seem so insurmountable that one day becomes three days, and all of a sudden we’re doing nothing but laundry.

I learned what a potty mouth I have. I knew I liked to use certain four-letter words, but now that I’m hyper-aware of what actions and words of mine my child will mimic, I really need to cut the $#!+.

I learned that becoming a dad doesn’t automatically make me more mature. It’s like a birthday — suddenly there’s something different about me, but I’m still the same me, so there’s really nothing different about me.

I’ve learned what my wife said about being a parent rings as true now as it did when our daughter was born: “tired, clueless, and completely in love.”

Spoonman

I was pretty proud (and, if we’re being honest, impressed with myself) when I taught our daughter to eat with a spoon. And by eat with a spoon, I mean I put food on the spoon, hand her the spoon, she takes the spoon and sticks it in her mouth. So I was a little annoyed when today, out of the blue, she decided she no longer wanted to have a hand in feeding herself with the spoon. She just wanted to be hand fed.

So as I sat there, annoyed with my daughter, she grabbed some of the chicken (yes, that’s chicken) with her hand, and stuck it in her mouth. This was a first for her – she’s fed herself puffs, but not real food. Usually she would just play with her food and get her hands all messy.

Her hands were still messy, but there was no food left when she was done. So what started as a fail turned into a win. Albeit a messy one.

#GirlDad Review: The Princess and the Pea

The Princess and the Pea is a crap book with a crap message and I will never read it to my daughter again. A review:

I love reading to my daughter. And I was excited to read to her books that I remember from my childhood. For example, The Princess and the Pea. But I didn’t remember (or didn’t realize) what a terrible story it is.

As I was reading The Princess and the Pea to my daughter I was thinking to myself (and saying out loud), “what kind of awful message is this for girls?” Basically the story is: a Prince is looking for a wife. His wife has to be a princess (class-ist). He can marry any princess he wants (sexist). First a bunch of princesses come to him, but he doesn’t like them. Then he travels to meet more princesses, but doesn’t like them either. Think Goldilocks as a guy, and the porridge is princesses.

Then, back at home, during a rain storm, a girl (Polly) knocks on the door and asks if she can spend the night. “She didn’t look much like a princess,” says the book. WTF is a princess supposed to look like? The entire book so far has been how different every princess looks and is! So girls have to look a certain way to be accepted? GTFOH.

The unnamed prince (only princesses have names, apparently) fell in love with Polly because she was “pretty and funny and kind.” So looks are most important and intelligence isn’t even listed. Cool. But because Polly didn’t “look like a princess” the queen had to test her to make sure she was, in fact, a princess, because again, the prince can ONLY marry a princess. Polly gets into a bed with a bunch of mattresses, and a pea under the bottom mattress, and only a princess would feel the pea, which of course Polly does, and so the prince asks Polly to marry him and she says yes. THEY’VE KNOWN EACH OTHER LITERALLY LESS THAN 24 HOURS. We never find out if Polly even likes the prince; the entire plot is he wants a wife, he searches for a wife, he gets a wife, end of story.

I give this book NEGATIVE #GirlDads.

The New Normal

I preface this by saying: I completely understand that this is a scary time, for a number of reasons. I know that hospitals are swamped and that medical workers are putting their lives on the line on a daily basis, that people are scared of what will happen with their jobs and the health of their loved ones, and that this whole situation sucks. So is it wrong that I don’t think I want the shelter-in-place to end? Probably.

I should clarify – I do want the shelter-in-place to end, because among other things, I want to be able to go to the store without chlorox wiping everything and sanitizing my hands every time I touch something. I just wouldn’t be upset if my wife continued to work from home. I’ve been a stay-at-home dad for four months, the first two of which coincided with the end of my wife’s maternity leave. Now that she is working from home because of coronavirus, it feels the same as those first two months. Just, different.

Although my life hasn’t changed since my wife started working at home, it feels very different. Our routine is basically the same; I get up around 6:30am to work out, my wife gets up at 7am to get ready for work, I get our daughter around 7:45 so that my wife can say good morning before heading off to work, then I do the stay-at-home-dad thing while my wife works until returning around 5:30pm. Rinse, repeat.

Now, instead of getting in her car to drive to work, my wife walks down the hallway to our office. That is essentially the only modification to our daily routine and everything feels very different. And I love it. It’s amazing 1) to see my wife throughout the day and b) for my wife to see our daughter throughout the day. I love witnessing both of their smiles when they see each other. Also because I don’t have a “9-to-5” job, I am able to take care of our daughter and allow my wife to do the work she needs to do.

(Also, I find it funny that my wife LOVES that she can wear sweats and comfortable clothes at work, while I HAVE to wear jeans at home so that I don’t feel like a lazy slob. Mars and Venus, I guess.)

This is definitely a weird limbo for a lot of people, including my wife; my routine will not change when she starts going back to work. We are incredibly lucky that so far we have not been impacted too much by this terrible situation (knock on wood). I don’t know how long this new normal is going to last, and I certainly hope it doesn’t last much longer for all of our sakes. But I also will miss this new normal when the old normal returns.

Jimmy Butler played T.J. Warren, and also Basketball

Observations from Jimmy Butler’s game of chess with T.J. Warren. 

For those who missed it, on Wednesday during the Heat-Pacers game, things got a little heated between Jimmy Butler and T.J. Warren when the latter grabbed the former after the former drove past the latter. Most NBA “fights” are just that: “fights.” They’re more of an opportunity for grown man to hug (“hold me back, bro!”) than to actual fight.

But this one…

“You’re f—ing trash.”

Jimmy Butler and TJ Warren got tangled up, and both players had a few words for each other 🤬 pic.twitter.com/C0VCJuuEFW

— SportsCenter (@SportsCenter) January 9, 2020

Notice how fast the ref grabs Butler to push him away? Less than two seconds from the time Butler went chest to chest. Ref didn’t even glance in Warren’s direction. Do I think Butler would have actually taken a swing? No, he’s too smart for that.

Double Technicals assessed, play resumes. And Butler decides it’s time to send Warren to the showers. Or rather, it’s time for Warren to send himself to the showers. Or rather, it’s time for Warren to ask the refs to end him to the showers. 

Jimmy Butler blew TJ Warren a kiss after Warren was ejected 😳 pic.twitter.com/ePoWVLmzO7

— ESPN (@espn) January 9, 2020

Notice Butler’s little glance behind him as he’s throwing the ball to the ref? 


He’s looking to see if Warren took the bait. Which he did. Which led to the kiss off. Which Butler assured us all on The Daily Show was totally in the moment and not planned out at all.


And of course there’s Butler’s post game comments, which…’chef’s kiss’

In conclusion, Jimmy Butler plays chess, T.J. Warren plays go fish.

Lame Jokes Makes Star Wars Fans go to the Dark Side

Aggression and anger both lead to the dark side of the force. So it seems ironic that after a Fox News host made some lame jokes about Star Wars and its fans, some of those fans decided to make death threats against her.

Yoda would be very disappointed in all of you.

Katherine Timpf of Fox News made some “jokes” about Star Wars, saying “I wasn’t familiar with Star Wars because I’ve been too busy liking cool things and being attractive,” and then how she wasn’t interested in “watching space nerds poke each other with their little space nerd sticks.” So I guess it’s safe to say that Katherine Timpf won’t be one of the billions of people who will go to see The Force Awakens.

I’d never heard of Katherine Timpf of Fox News before today, but I know two things about her:

1) She’s a troll. As a host on a talk show, she would know better than anyone that the way to get publicity is to troll, and what better to troll than a movie that is getting a TON of press.

2) She needs new material. She didn’t watch Star Wars because she was too busy “being attractive”? That joke is made at least once an episode on The Big Bang Theory, and it’s not particularly funny there either. If you’re going to troll, at least have the decency to come up with new jokes.

But in the end, all it took was a couple dumb comments to send many Star Wars fans to the dark side.

The Empire has already won.

Gators Offense is Going the Wrong Way

Offense with Grier (or Grier and Harris) at QB: six games, avg. 384.7 yds per game
Offense with just Harris at QB: 330.6 yds per game

LSU 35, Gators 28
Treon Harris: 17-32, 271 yds, 2 TDs; Gators w/ 28 points
Gators RBs: 31 carries, 99 yds, 1 TD
Total offense: 326 yds

Gators 27, Georgia 3
Treon Harris: 8-19, 155 yds, 1 TD
Gators RBs: 48 carries, 272 yds, 2 TDs
Total offense: 413 yds

Gators 9, Vandy 7
Treon Harris: 12-24-1, 158 yds
Gators RBs: 34 carries, 126 yds, 1 TD
Total offense: 258 yds

Gators 24, South Carolina 14
Treon Harris: 19-33-2, 256 yds, 1 TD
Gators RBs: 43 carries, 183 yds, 2 TDs
Total offense: 404 yds

Gators 20, FAU 14 (OT)
Treon Harris: 8-17-1, 122 yds, 2 TDs
Gators RBs: 44 carries, 192 yds, 1 TD
Total offense: 252 yds

Other than the South Carolina game, the Gators’ running and passing offense has been clicking since Treon Harris became the quarterback. Mostly they run the ball well but don’t throw the ball well, or (like against SC) they run and throw the ball well but only come away with 24 points because they do other things that prevent them from getting to the end zone (a la two turnovers).

I was at the game on Saturday so it was hard to get a sense of the flow of the game, but man that offensive line…which led to Treon Harris looking indecisive…which led to a near-loss in OT to FAU. They gotta pull it together before Saturday or else they are in trouble. Where is the Treon Harris who played against LSU? Maybe it would make more sense to have him throw on the run more, where it seems he’s a little more comfortable?

All I know is two things:
1) We were a touchdown and extra point from me never going to a Gators game ever again. (The last game I went to was Georgia Southern. Nuff said.)

2) The Gators gotta do something. Defense is playing great but it needs some more help from the offense.