Author: callmetrl

Are You There, Football Gods? It’s Me, A Fan.

For the first time in I don’t know how long, I don’t know whom to root for in Sunday’s AFC and NFC Championship games.
Usually it’s pretty easy, for reasons as varied as “that’s my team” or “if my team is going to lose, it better be to the Super Bowl champ” or “that coach/player/owner/GM is a bit of a douche and I don’t want good things to happen for them” or “Aaron Rodgers is dreamy.”
But this year? I got nothing.
Let’s look at the specifics. For one thing, this is the Final Four that I’m fairly certain 99.9 percent of the NFL viewing audience wanted, or at least expected. When’s the last time that happened?! Usually it’s some sixth-seed that goes on a run to get to the big game. 
For another thing, all four teams have something imminently likeable about that.
Even the Patriots. You heard me.
In the NFC, the main storyline is the two head coaches. Jim Harbaugh and Pete Carroll, who went from the NFL (Harbaugh as a player, Carroll as a coach) to college (Harbaugh at San Diego and then Stanford, Carroll at Southern Cal) and then back to the NFL. They have faced each other numerous times, first in the Pac 12 and now in the NFC West. They were both successful college coaches and have continued that success in the pros. They seem to be well liked by their players, though perhaps not by their peers. But since JimSchwartz is no longer the head coach of the Lions, perhaps that second part is no longer applicable.
Regardless, both men are respected by everyone. Carroll is the cool guy who looks fun to hang out with. Harbaugh is the tough guy who looks, um, tough. And sometimes angry. Advantage: Seahawks
Both teams play dirty tough. The Seahawks’ players talk. A lot. And not just Richard Sherman. Pretty much all of them. Watch each play – you’ll see them jawing at opposing players long after the play is over. San Francisco’s Anquan Boldin also talks a lot, but I like him. Even though he went to Florida State. Advantage: 49ers
Both Colin Kaepernick and Russell Wilson are extremely talented, smart, fun to watch players. If I was a sideline reporter who had to interview both players, I would give the advantage to Wilson, as Kaepernick always seems to be doing his best Gregg Popovich impersonation, but since I’m not a sideline reporter, I find that hilarious. Advantage: neither
Both teams have representatives from the Florida Gators. 49ers defensive tackle Ray McDonald is a Gator, as is Seahawks’ wide receiver Percy Harvin. Seattle has a slight edge here, because two of its coaches have UF ties. Seahawks’ defensive coordinator Dan Quinn held the same role at Florida in 2011 and 2012 before re-joining Seattle’s staff as the DC and Defensive Assistant Marquand Manual is a former UF player. Plus, Seattle’s wide receiver coach is named Kippy. Advantage: Seahawks
I really like Anquan Boldin. I love the way he plays. It doesn’t bother me as much as it does Troy Aikman that he talks a lot inbetween plays. That guy is one tough dude. Might not be the fastest, but he puts himself in the right place at the right time and he makes tough catches. Plus, there’s a small part of me that says, “man it would be a real slap in the face to Baltimore if one of their key cogs from a year ago gets back to the Super Bowl.” (I don’t dislike Baltimore – I just thought it was a dumb move to let Boldin go.) Advantage: 49ers
Final tally: 49ers 2, Seahawks 2
Then you look at the AFC. After the Patriots defeated the Broncos in overtime earlier this season, my wife and I said to each other that if the Football Gods didn’t give us a Denver-New England rematch in the playoffs they were not doing their job. Well, those wild and wacky gods listened, and here we have one of the best AFC Championships in recent history (on paper at least).
Tom Brady is going for his fourth Super Bowl, but first since 2003. Peyton Manning is going for his second Super Bowl. Both are incredibly good at what they do, hard-nosed, tough on their opponents (and teammates) but somehow still likeable. My wife really wants Manning to get another ring, but I dunno. I’m torn. Advantage: neither
Both head coaches have been around for a while and are well-respected in the NFL. Both once served as defensive coordinator for the Giants. Both got head coaching gigs after being a part of a coaching staff in New Jersey: John Fox was the Giants DC before getting the Panthers job (where he lost in Super Bowl XXXIX to Bill Belichick, Brady and the Patriots); Belichick was Giants DC before getting the Browns job and then the Jets DC before getting the Jets and then the Patriots job. Fox seems like a decent fellow, but he’s been able to stay under-the-radar guy. Belichick is…Belichick. I don’t know how else to describe it. I’d like to see both of them win a Super Bowl, but perhaps the fact that Fox has yet to get a ring puts Denver ahead. Advantage: Broncos
The Broncos have a LOT of talent on offense, especially at the skill positions, with three receivers who could be the No. 1 guy on a lot of other teams and a tight end that plays like a wide receiver. The Patriots have Tom Brady and a bunch of solid, dependable players, none of whom really strike the fear of God in anyone. If Rob Gronkowski were playing, he would be that guy, but he’s not, so he isn’t. To some degree, the Patriots are the underdog here. Advantage: Patriots
The Gator connection is pretty sparse on both sides. The Patriots had Aaron Hernandez, but…yeah. Let’s move on. Linebacker Brandon Spikes was put on IR last week after apparently missing a team meeting. So…yeah. Two-for-two. The Broncos have three Gators on their roster in wide receiver Andre Caldwell, defensive end Jeremy Mincey and linebacker Lerentee McCray. Caldwell plays sparingly, Mincey plays not at all, and McCray is on IR. Peyton Manning never beat the Gators while he was at Tennessee. Sure, that really isn’t a Gators connection, but it’s fun to remind people of that fact. Not a single time did Peyton Manning defeat the Florida Gators. Fun thought. Advantage: neither
As for coaches names, the Patriots’ Linebackers Coach is former Giant and Patriot Pepper Johnson. The Broncos’ Offensive Assistant is Jim Bob Cooter. JIM. BOB. COOTER. That is outstanding. But he also went to Tennessee, so that eliminates any pulling for that may have happened because of his awesome name. Advantage: neither
Final tally: Broncos 1, Patriots 1
So after going through the numbers, I still have no idea which team(s) I would like to see win on Sunday. So instead of pulling for a particular team, I’ll root for the games themselves. I want games that get talked about for years to come. Games that leave us shaking our heads in amazement. Games that we feel lucky for having witnessed.
I don’t remember the last time I was this excited for the AFC and NFC Championships. I hope the games live up to the hype in my head.
Football gods, do your thing.

BALLS OF GOLD


Tina Fey and Amy Poehler are hosting this year’s Golden Globes. I feel ready to laugh, so hit me ladies!
8-8:10pm Amy Poehler welcomes all the gay men and women watching the broadcast. I guess that means I’m either gay or a woman. Either way, my wife says it’s an improvement.
Tina and Amy crush. They work the crowd, they tell their jokes, they do their bits, and they just crush. Even the jokes that don’t quite work are amusing and cute. The winning joke of the open: that Gravity proves George Clooney would rather float away and die than spend one more minute with a woman his own age. BAZINGA.
Everyone knows Tina Fey and Amy Poehler are funny. At least, I thought everyone knew that. But then I read an article on the Huffington Post that asked if Kat Denning and Beth Behr were the next Amy Poehler and Tina Fey.
The short answer: no.
The long answer: no way.
Sure, Denning and Behr have hosted an awards show together (they just co-hosted the People’s Choice Awards). Sure, they are both attractive. Sure, one is a blonde and one is a brunette. Sure, they are on a TV show together. But that’s where the similarities to Fey and Poehler end. Tina Fey and Amy Poehler are funny on their own. They were funny as they came up through the improv ranks, writing AND performing comedic bits. They were funny as they were writing and performing on Saturday Night Live (where Tina Fey was head writer, for crying out loud). They were (and are) funny writing and starring in their NBC hit television shows.
Do you really think Denning and/or Behr write any of the jokes on Two Broke Girls? For that matter, is Two Broke Girls even funny? (Hint: the answer is no). Denning and Behr are actors. They receive whatever lines are written for them and perform them. I watched the open of the People’s Choice Awards, and it was about as you’d expect it. Bleh comedy, performed by two actors who were staring pretty hard at the teleprompter. They looked comfortable on stage, which is a step in the right direction, and they weren’t as bad as Franco/Hathaway, which also was probably the best joke of the open, but that’s as far as it goes.
Denning and Behr are comedic actors. They are good at what they do. But they are not comedians. To compare them to two of the best funniest people of our time is really not fair to either party.
8:11pm Tom Hanks and Sandra Bullock are such good actors, you’d think that they could act like they gave a crap about presenting the award for Best Supporting Actress in a Movie.
8:11pm Golden Globes came prepared – there was a guy waiting to help Jennifer Lawrence up the steps.
8:13 pm Can Jennifer Lawrence stop being so damn likable? It’s really annoying.
8:13pm Now we’re 2-for-2 with presenters reading in monotones.
8:15pm Apparently there’s someone named Jacqueline Bissetfrom some movie. Three minutes into her rambling and incoherent speech, she says she’s going to get it together. I don’t have a lot of faith. She did drop some swear words though, and then refused to get off the stage.
8:17pm It always amazes me that people who act in movies are so terrified and uncomfortable speaking live on stage.
8:20pm A commercial starring Giuliana Rancic airs. It’s not very good. I wish I could tell you what it was for. I was distracted by her skinniness.
8:23pm Behind The Candelabra wins for Best Miniseries, and they show Lorne Michaels clapping. I’m not sure why I point that out, other than it seemed strange. Couldn’t go with Matt Damon or someone, I dunno, actually associated with the movie?
8:24pm How did Speaker Boehner get a seat with Michael Douglas? Holy Orange, Batman!
8:25pm ZOE BARTLET WINS AN AWARD!!! And then she swore. And then they tried to music her off the stage. And then she closed by saying it was for her mom. WIN-WIN-WIN-WIN
8:28pm NBC shows clips of stars talking to stars before going to commercials. Seems like a real slap in the face to us normal folk. “Hey look at us, we’re famous celebrities and we’re hobnobbing with other famous celebrities! You know who’s not here? Non-famous people!”
8:35pm The president of the Golden Globes opens his speech with the joke that the President’s Speech is also known as bathroom break. He’s right. Back in a second.
8:36pm Jonah Hill and Margot Robbie (whom I had to google to find out who she was) come up and the teleprompter had the wrong lines. They handled it well. But I think that would be a great bit for future award shows. See what we can get the presenters to say before they realize they’re reading the wrong thing!
8:38pm WHAT IN GOD’S NAME IS PAULA PATTON WEARING?! Blurred Lines indeed.
8:39pm I really hope that was Michael Sheen’s daughter sitting with him. (It was. I checked. Also found out that the mom of said daughter is Kate Beckinsale. These are things I now know.)
8:39pm Let’s all take a minute to remember that Bryan Cranston was also in King Of Queens, How I Met Your Mother, and Malcolm In The Middle. Just goes to show, even character actors can act.
8:40pm Paula Patton is back out. Her dress is, um, is…something. It is something.
8:41pm I like how the Golden Globes created a maze for the winners to walk through before getting to the stage. That was a nice touch.
8:43pm Aaron Paul needs just two words to bring the house down. “Yeah bitch” indeed. And isn’t it nice that bitch is a word that can be said on national TV without being bleeped. Bitch bitch bitch.
8:53pm “Everyone just keep drinking, it’ll be over soon.” –Puff Daddy
“We can’t, you already drank all the booze.” –Everybody else
8:55pm Hey, the guys who wrote Spider Man the musical just won a Golden Globe! That’s good, I was worried they would fade into obscurity after their musical bombed.
(at this time I would like to point out that I beat professional comedian Billy Eichner to that joke. I’m pretty sure that means I get his TV show now. Get ready for me to be asking random New Yorkers random questions!)
9:02pm After hearing “Josh Charles, The Good Wife,” Josh Charles immediately gives a kiss to his wife. Which is good.
9:06pm Robert Downey Jr. comes to present. Based on his performance last year, I’m not sure whether I should be nervous or excited. I think I’m both. He doesn’t disappoint.
9:10pm Amy Adams just told the Golden Globes music to eff off. Well, that’s what she meant anyway.
9:14pm Kyra Sedgwick and Kevin Bacon would make a cute couple. And the fact that Kevin Bacon knows Miss Golden Globes proves Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon beyond a shadow of a doubt.
9:15pm Is there anything Tina Fey and Amy Poehler can’t make funny? Good lord are they hilarious. No chance in hell that Kat Denning and Beth Behr can do what Fey/Poehler do. It’s unfair to Denning and Behr to hold them to such a lofty status that they will never reach.
9:22pm The lead singer of 30 Seconds To Mars wins for Best Supporting Actor in a movie. Don’t you hate people who are good at everything?
9:28pm Emma Thompson is wonderful in everything she does and I will not say anything about how kooky her presenting was.
9:30pm Spike Jonze didn’t take long enough to get to the stage. Totally threw me off.
9:34pm I am way more excited than I should be that Andy Samberg won a Golden Globe. Also kudos to Seth Meyers for his Julia Roberts impression: “Best night ever.”
9:40pm The Golden Globe for best foreign film is being announced. Which means it’s a good time for a break. Being snarky is hard!
9:44pm Melissa McCarthy and Jimmy Fallon try to go with a bit where McCarthy thinks she’s Matt Damon. To give them credit, they’re likeable enough that the bit doesn’t fail spectacularly; it just fails.
The Golden Globes then spends a LOT of time on the career of Woody Allen, who was given the Cecil B. Demille Lifetime Achievement award. Allen is of course too cool to show up for said award. I’ll be honest – I’m not a huge Woody Allen guy. I’ve seen some of his movies, I’ve liked some and not liked others. I’ve heard good things about Blue Jasmine and I look forward to seeing it. He’s certainly had a prolific career and I get why he would receive a Lifetime Achievement award. But for me it’s hard to get past Woody Allen the person to Woody Allen the writer/director. Let’s face it: if you make good movies, Hollywood forgives all. “You left your longtime partner for her 20-year-old adopted daughter? Yeah, but Annie Hall! You allegedly molested your own adopted daughter when she was seven? Yeah but Crimes and Misdemeanors! In conclusion, here’s an award!”
I believe next year Roman Polansky will be honored. Can’t wait.
10:20pm Tina Fey with the zinger on Michael Bay. In my opinion, the weakest of the jokes they’ve put out today. Uma Thurman and Chris Evansreally bring the funny to the announcement for Best Comedy. Seriously, did the Globes tell the presenters to check personality at the door?
10:22pm Brooklyn 99 is cleaning up! It now has more Golden Globes than Parks and Rec. If I were the creator of Parks and Rec, I’d be pissed.
10:29pm THEY ARE PLAYING LEO OFF THE STAGE. WHEN WILL THIS MADNESS STOP?!?!
10:30pm To announce the clips from 12 Years A Slave, here comes the whitest of all white women, Reese Witherspoon. Solid choice, Golden Globes!
10:31pm As they show clips from 12 Years A Slave, I think this is a good time to point out that Chiwetel Ejiofor also appeared in Love, Actually and Serenity. Also, Salt. Thank you and please drive through.
10:35pm CHRIS HEMSWORTH IS BRITISH?!?!?!
Oh, wait, that’s not a British accent.
CHRIS HEMSWORTH IS CANADIAN?!?!?!
10:41pm American Hustle wins Best Comedy/Musical and immediately my twitter feed is filled with “the worst one of the group just won.” I loved that movie. So everyone else can shut up.
Some people (including Leo) find it weird that Wolf of Wall Street was nominated under Best Musical or Comedy, but I disagree. I think a movie about corruption and Wall Street directed by Martin Scorcese can’t help but be funny! Plus think about it: Gravity can’t be a comedy, because as Robin Quivers and Tina Fey have told us, George Clooney dies. That’s not funny. Captain Phillips might work, but Tom Hanks can’t sing. True fact that I just made up (but also might be true). Then you have Philomena, which stars Dame Judi Dench. The fact that she’s in the movie means it is not comedic and/or musical. She’s a serious actress. Rush involves a guy coming back a horrific car accident. Funny if it’s a cartoon. Not so much if it’s real people. Then finally we get to 12 Years A Slave, which can’t be a comedy for obvious reasons. (Those reasons of course being Brad Pitt and Michael Fassbender.)
10:45pm Amazing thing about all the nominees for Best Actress, Drama? The only one under 40 is 38 (Kate Winslet). And they’re all hot. Especially Dame Judi Dench. In your face, Hollywood.
10:49pm Not only did Chiwetel Ejiofor not win Best Actor, Drama, he lost to Matthew McConaughey. MATTHEW MCCONAUGHEY WON AN ACTING AWARD. Chew on that for a bit. Just make sure there’s a bucket available when you vomit.
10:50pm I’d say it’s a lifetime achievement award for McConaughey, but what exactly has he achieved? Other than a great McConaughey impression. “All right all right all right.”
10:52pm 12 Years A Slave has one more chance to win an award. I gotta say, it would be kind of messed up if it didn’t win at least one award. And this is coming from a guy who hasn’t seen any of the Best Movie, Drama nominees.
10:57pm 12 Years A Slave wins! Which is good. Would have been weird if it had been shut out. I dunno why. But it would have been.
10:59pm The Golden Globes finishes before 11pm. That’s gotta be some kind of record.

Dennis Rodman Is A Genius

Some say Dennis Rodman is crazy, and based on the video below it’s hard to argue that fact.


But I will argue that fact, because I say he’s crazy like a fox.

Consider this: a group of former NBA players LOST TO A NORTH KOREAN TEAM 47-39*, and that fact is buried in the 19th paragraph of this CNN article.

*according to North Korea media, which as we all know is never wrong.

So to that I say: Kudos, Worm, for making yourself the story and saving you and the rest of the nudniks on your team a lot of embarrassment.

Well, a lot more embarrassment anyway.

Duck, Duck, Goosed.

Here’s the thing about this Duck Dynasty dude and what he said.

He can speak his mind, no matter how ridiculous or insulting or hateful it is, which he did.

We can mock him mercilessly for his comments, which we have.

The company that airs his show, which is trying to attract fans FROM ALL WALKS OF LIFE, is allowed to disavow him and suspend him, which it did.

His being suspended has nothing to do with freedom of speech – it’s purely a business decision. A&E wants to make money. It makes money from advertisers. Advertisers buy time on A&E based on how many people watch its shows. The more people who watch, the more money advertisers will spend.

If A&E does nothing, people will push for a boycott, which a) is bad press and 2) leads to fewer viewers. That would be bad for business. A&E did what it had to do to ensure that all – ALL – of its fans keep watching all – ALL – of its shows. Some of which have nothing to do with ducks, apparently.

For all we know, A&E could agree with this guy. But the company is smart enough to not bite the hand that feeds. Everyone is allowed to voice their personal opinions, but they can’t be shocked if some of those opinions come back to bite them in the anus.

So really, in the end, it’s about capitalism. Which conservatives like Sarah Palin are allegedly all about. So they should totally be on board with A&E’s decision to suspend the duck dude. Right? RIGHT?

Sigh.

Post NFL Week 12-13-14 Predictions

Predictions based on the results of Week 12-13-14

The Giants will do something very un-Giant-esque. Instead of stringing along their fans by making them thing their team has a chance at the playoffs before failing to reach the playoffs in a spectacularly painful fashion, they will get knocked out of playoff contention with three weeks to play.

I supposed kudos are in order for trying something different this year.

Remember that team that was 1-3 and then 3-5, that went two weeks with a grand total of three points, that started the season 0-4 at home? That team will be in first-place in the NFC East standings with three weeks remaining. E A G L E S Eagles!

NOTE: You know what makes Philly a dark horse in the playoffs, if they get there? They’re playing well late (have won five-straight, best current streak in the NFL), they’re excellent on the road (NFC-best 5-1 mark, tied with KC for best road record in the NFL), and they have Nick Foles. Wait, what was that last one?

“It’s not you, it’s us. We just don’t think you’re good enough.”
–How Mike Shanahan will tell RGIII that the team is breaking up with their Subway eating quarterback (at least for the rest of the season), as rumors swirl about Shanahan’s future with the team and the general douchiness of owner Dan Snyder.

All of a sudden, the NFC East will no longer be the division where the team in first-place has the worst record of all division leaders…that honor falls to the NFC North! Congrats, Detroit and Chicago!

Remember when Tampa Bay and Jacksonville were both 0-fer and in the lead for Downey for Clowney? Both teams will screw up their chances at landing the speedying star Clowney by winning, thus disappointing their fans. Good job, Bucs and Jags. Way to play hard even though there’s nothing to play for. Losers.

The team currently in first place for Clowney…everyone’s favorite darkhorse Super Bowl pick, the Houston Texans! Clowney will love playing for Cowher/Lovie/Harbaugh/Phillips/Whisenhunt/Shaw.

Not even I can predict which coach will get the Texans gig.

Houston has its work cut out, as it will have to lose to Indy, Denver and Tennessee to hold off Atlanta and Washington in the first overall pick sweepstakes.

I take that back – Atlanta and Washington are screwed. Houston’s getting the first overall pick.

In Week 12, in one of many chapters in the Manning v Brady storybook, the Patriots will come back from a 24-0 halftime deficit to defeat the Broncos in overtime.

If the Football gods don’t give us Denver-New England II in the playoffs, they will not be doing their job.

Despite losing to the Patriots, the Broncos will still have the inside track to get home field advantage throughout the playoffs. All they will need to do is defeat San Diego, Houston and Oakland (combined record: 12-27) to clinch the first overall seed. Might as well start making those January travel plans to Denver now, boys…

The Saints will defeat Carolina in week 15 to become just the third team to win the week after playing the Seahawks. Teams that play Seattle will improve to 3-8-1 in the week following their game against the Seahawks.

After Week 14, all four teams in the AFC South will have a negative point differential. The division clinching Colts will be the only division leader with a negative point differential.

These are things I now know.

MOMENT THAT GRINDED MY GEARS ENOUGH TO WRITE ABOUT IT (in letter form)

Dear Anti-College Football Playoff People,

I’ve heard a lot of talk about how the implementation of the college football playoff next year will make the regular season pointless, and I can’t tell you how much that sentiment grinds my gears. “Games like this year’s Iron Bowl won’t have as much meaning,” you say. “Regular season games won’t mean as much,” you argue.

What the what?!

Let me tell you a story. A few years ago, the Florida Gators men’s basketball team won back-to-back national championships. You might have heard about it. It was kind of a big deal. Despite solid, if unspectacular, seasons following the second national championship, the Gators missed out on the NCAA Tournament and were relegated to the NIT. Head coach Billy Donovan realized that the biggest reason his team wasn’t being given more NCAA Tournament consideration was the fact that his non-conference slate wasn’t as strong as other teams. So he changed his scheduling philosophy, and the team has made the NCAAs ever since. This season, already Florida has traveled to face Wisconsin (No. 4) and UConn (No. 9) on the road and hosted Kansas (No. 13).

Why do I bring this up? Because this year, Florida State’s non-conference matchups were Nevada, Bethune Cookman, Idaho and Florida. Auburn’s non-conference games were Washington State, Arkansas State, Western Carolina and Florida Atlantic. Real stellar stuff.

Imagine, if you will, a scenario in which an early regular season loss does not knock a team out of national championship considerations. Imagine that college football teams, worried not of an early regular season defeat but instead of the lack of a tough non-conference schedule, playing other college football teams that share that same concern. Suddenly those Auburn-Arkansas State games become Auburn-Ohio State. Florida State against Florida becomes…Florida State vs. Florida (ok, bad example).

Those regular season games later in the season become even MORE important than they are now. Suddenly, Auburn and Alabama are not competing with two or three other teams for national championship consideration, they’re competing with four, five, six or even more teams for playoff consideration. Plus, they might be playing for SEC Championship berth. So on multiple levels, the regular season becomes absolutely vital. Big games at the beginning of the season, big games at the end of the season, win-win for the fans.

The only group that suffers with the incoming playoff is the FCS schools who won’t be getting that big payday to be beaten by 80 points. Certainly those games won’t disappear – Homecomings have to be played, after all – but the idea is that they will not be played with such regularity.

The change won’t happen overnight. The first year of the playoffs will feature more BCS-FCS matchups than we would want, but it won’t take away the importance of regular season games, beginning to end. And those last three weeks of the season, as teams jockey for conference championships and playoff consideration will be a beautiful, wonderful thing.

I’m excited. You should be too.

Post NFL Weeks 9-10-11 Predictions

Predictions based on the results of Weeks 9-10-11

Just a few predictions from the last month or so, with no apparent rhyme or reason (or so I would have you believe [there’s no rhyme or reason])

Pearl Jam will go with a new advertising strategy during the World Series, paying FOX to go to commercial break with PJ songs. Joe Buck will attempt to show the kids how hip he is to the music of today by talking about a new song by the band that actually came out 20 years ago. Some might argue that Buck was merely straddling the space-time continuum, but I think it’s more that he just has no idea who or what a Pearl Jam is.

Quick thought: FOX obviously new it was going to be using a plethora of Pearl Jam songs during the World Series. I would assume Buck new as well, since he was part of the promotion. So wouldn’t Buck, or one of the producers, make sure he knew which songs were from the new album and which were from back in the day? Especially since it is quite apparent that Buck is not a Pearl Jam fan. Nothing wrong with that, to each his or her own, but if you’re not a fan of a band and that band’s songs are going to be used during your broadcast as part of a promotion wouldn’t you do the necessary research to make sure you had all the important information?

One week later, Troy Aikman will prove how he has football on the brain, when he will say, “to use a baseball term, it was a three and out.” Guy literally can’t get football out of his head. Maybe that’s a side effect of concussions. NFL should really look into this.

Why do I bring both of these stories up? Because Buck and Aikman will be the announcers during Super Bowl XLVIII (this year’s game). Might be a good time to try the SAP button on your remote.

After week 11, the NFC East will be the NFC at-least-three-teams-are-in-contention-for-the-division-title-making-this-race-more-interesting-than-you-would-think-because-of-the-teams’-records.

Even Washington, 3-7 and in last place, will be only 2.5 games behind the division leader after week 11.

Tampa Bay, which started 0-8, will be 2-8 after beating the Falcons in week 11. Atlanta, which last year went to the NFC Championship, will also be 2-8 after week 11. Perennial Super Bowl darkhorse favorite Houston will also be 2-8 after week 11.

Let that sit with you for just a second. Atlanta and Houston will be just one game ahead of Jacksonville after week 11.

The Jaguars and Bucs will pick up their first wins of the season on the same week. The next week, Jacksonville will come to its senses and get back to losing, while Tampa Bay will win yet again.

So to recap, the Jaguars are still the frontrunners for downey for Clowney, but they have some competition. Who will screw up and win games down the stretch? Stay tuned!

Denver will put to rest all that talk about it being a wild card with an emphatic win over Kansas City. The 1972 Dolphins will be able to party like it’s, well, 1972. The 2013 Dolphins will not be able to party because they are grounded.

Richie Incognito, not content with merely bullying Jonathan Martin, will file a grievance against the Dolphins, which could be construed as an attempt to bully THE ENTIRE TEAM.

The Bull is strong in this one.

Carolina will be on a six-game winning streak after week 11, with victories over the Niners and the Patriots.

Carolina-New England will end when officials pick up a flag that would have given the Patriots first and goal at the one-yard line with one play to win or lose the game. The world will all agree it was a terrible no-call. Well, the TUCK YOU, Patriots.”

MOMENT THAT GRINDED MY GEARS ENOUGH TO WRITE ABOUT IT (in letter form)

Dear Sports Announcers,

This may seem like I’m picking on Kirk Herbstreit, but I’m not. I think Herbstreit is great – one of the best analysts maybe ever. He knows the game, he’s not condescending, he sounds like he’s having fun doing the broadcasts…it makes me feel like you could be having a beer with him while watching the game and it would be exactly how it sounds on TV. So this is not an anti-Herbstreit thing. This is actually a message to all play-by-play and color analysts. Yes, it was Herbstreit who prompted this letter, but this is not about him. It’s about all of you. And a word you all tend to toss around.

“Courage.”

Towards the end of USC’s upset win over Stanford, Herbstreit said that the Trojans had shown a “lot of courage” in beating the Cardinal. That stuck with me. Was it really courage they showed? These are football players, playing a football game, against a conference opponent that they play every year. It’s not like Stanford was this big bad bully that USC stood up to when it didn’t have to. Heck, talent-wise, both teams were probably fairly similar. But to go in and upset a top-ranked team when you are not ranked…is that courage?

I say it’s not. I say analysts should no longer be allowed to use the word courage when discussing how a team played. That, to me, is not courage. You could say they showed confidence, or moxie, or onions if you’re Bill Raftery. Those all would be applicable. But courage, to me, should be reserved for life or death situations. For situations where one makes a conscious decision to do something regardless of the consequences to one’s well being. To be military, law enforcement, firefighters, first responders and the like, THAT takes real courage – to go into a battle, to fight crime, to run into a burning building, to run into a disaster to help the wounded…all of these are conscious decisions that are made to risk one’s life to help others.

Some might make the argument that football is a violent sport and that these players are risking their lives when they step out on the field. To a point, I would agree with that. I think a receiver who goes over the middle and makes a catch even when he knows he’s about to be clobbered by a charging safety shows courage. I think a quarterback who ignores the defensive end flying at him to complete a pass before getting pancaked to the ground shows courage. I think a running back who takes on basically the entire defensive front seven to try and get one yard shows courage. But those are on specific plays, from specific players, in specific moments. And even those situations don’t have the same ring as “fire fighter runs into burning building” or “cop chases down armed suspect.”

I guess what I feel is that the word “courage” is being taken for granted. Did Stanford not show courage because it lost to USC? Both teams played just as hard, but USC just finished with more points. Heck, for my money, military spouses show more courage every day than a football team does on game day – what they deal with and worry about on a day-to-day basis while still functioning…it’s amazing. 

So announcers, let’s put the kibosh on using “courage” for any sort of sports situation. It insults those people who show true courage. Like bloggers.

Bully For Them

We take a break from our regularly scheduled predictions to bring you a very important message:

Bullying sucks. Bullies suck. People who let Bullies Bully are cowards.

With that in mind, I give you the 2013 Miami Dolphins!!

When word came out that the Miami Dolphins’ young offensive lineman, Jonathan Martin, had left the team because he was being harassed and bullied by fellow lineman Richie Incognito, the responses were predictable. The few who thought it was ridiculous that a grown man was bullying another grown man were drowned out by the majority who felt that Incognito was trying to make a man out of Martin and only real men play football and therefore Martin must not have been a real man and he needed to be toughened up. Apparently, you toughen people up by calling them names and telling them you’re going to kill them.

The Dolphins immediately suspended Incognito indefinitely and put on the reserve/non-football injury list. Neither will play again for Miami this season.

The Dolphins coaching staff/front office claimed they had no idea this was going on, but there are also reports that they told Incognito to toughen Martin up. There are also reports that Martin went to GM Jeff Ireland, who allegedly told Martin he needed to punch Incognito.

Dolphin teammates rushed to the defense of…Incognito, saying they had no problem with him (a white guy) calling Martin (a black guy), the N-word, before falling into the “we’re just concentrating on football” line of defense.

Former teammates rushed to the defense of…Martin, saying that a) the Dolphins absolutely knew what was going on and 2) Incognito is a jackass.

Analysts used Martin’s Stanford education and Harvard-educated parents as reasons why he doesn’t fit into an NFL locker room. I can’t decide if that’s more insulting to Martin or the other guys in the locker room. Also, I have no idea how that leads to Martin getting bullied.

There are so many things that bother me about this story, I don’t even know where to begin. Let’s start with this idea that in order to “toughen someone up,” you need to harass and bully them. Say what? Didn’t that idea die out in the 50s and 60s? By the way, both decades called: they want the way they raised their sons back. Where else in today’s world does anyone think this is a good strategy?

Why did anyone think that Martin needed to be tougher? He started for four years at Stanford, a team that year in and year out played “smash-mouth football.” Two of those years he played under head coach Jim Harbaugh, who seems pretty tough. He even yells at little kids! I don’t know about you, but I’m confident in saying Harbaugh wouldn’t accept anything but toughness from his players.

What kind of sick mind thinks it’s ok to treat someone the way Incognito was treating Martin? Please note: the sick mind is not only that of Incognito’s but also anyone on the Dolphins who felt that his actions were necessary and/or beneficial to Martin. All of these “big, strong, tough” men didn’t have the balls to say to Incognito, “hey leave that guy alone.”

And kudos to the absolute moron who decided that Incognito, a guy who has had numerous off field issues, who is currently with his third team in eight years, would be good to have on the Dolphins’ player leadership council. At that point, you’re just asking for trouble, which you received, so job well done.

This might sound simple but apparently it’s way too complex for the Dolphins: we’re all different. Different people respond to different things in different ways. Perhaps some players like getting yelled at, maybe that’s what works for them to get fired up on the football field. Other players just like quiet solitude, alone with their thoughts, getting their minds on the task at hand.

I’ve never met Jonathan Martin, but the people on TV tell me he’s quiet. I guess that was one of the factors that led to him being bullied. I get the sense that he didn’t feel he needed to be pushed and bullied around to become “tough.” He was tough already, but because he didn’t fit in with what the Dolphins perceived “tough” looks like, he needed to be toughened up. For the Dolphins, making their players tougher is a “one size fits all” method, which as we all know is how the real world operates. Everyone gets motivated the same way, right? No? Oh.

Look, I know it’s hard to stop someone from bullying others. We tend to let bullies get away with bullying because we don’t want them to turn their attentions on us. Much easier to let them pick on somebody else. I have been bullied, and I have bullied. And even if I wasn’t the one actively bullying, I didn’t stop those who were bullying, and that makes me a bully by association. I don’t really think about the times when I was bullied. I do, however, think about the times where I was the bully, either actively or passively. To this day, it bothers me that I wasn’t strong enough to stop people from bullying others.

I might not have been strong enough to stand up to bullies, but Jonathan Martin was. After being harassed and threatened and pushed around, he had enough. He was man enough to do something about it. That’s why, for my money, the toughest player on that Miami Dolphins team is currently on the reserved/non-football injury list.

NOTE: The best article written on this situation was by Brian Phillips for Grantland. Read it. After you read mine, of course.

Post NFL Week 8 Predictions

Predictions based on the results of Week 8

Remember how the best team in the NFC East is finally over .500?

It won’t last long.

The best team in the NFC East will have the worst record of any of the division leaders. Feel free to break out the “world’s tallest little person” jokes at any point.

The Cowboys will lose in the most heartbreaking (read: awesome) of fashions.

Trailing by 3 with 2:24 remaining, Detroit will go 0 yards on four plays and give the ball back to the Cowboys, who will kick a field goal.

Trailing by 6 with 1:02 remaining, Detroit will go 80 yards on six plays and score a touchdown with 12 seconds remaining.

Dez Bryant will spend the week telling everyone who will listen, so basically everyone, that he is not Calvin Johnson, he is Dez Bryant, who is better than Calvin Johnson.

ESPN will spend the week showing side-by-side stats that say Dez Bryant is better than Calvin Johnson.

Calvin Johnson will take 60 minutes out of his Sunday to definitively prove them both wrong.

Your brain will spin when you realize that the only undefeated team in the NFL will be the Kansas City Chiefs.

Your brain will stop spinning when you realize that the two teams with nary a victory between them will be the Jacksonville Jaguars and Tampa Bay Bucs.

The Giants will improve to 2-0 when their defense shuts out the opposing offense but their special teams gives up a touchdown.

New York’s defensive line, with six sacks ON THE SEASON coming into the game, will sack Philadelphia quarterbacks FOUR TIMES IN THE GAME.

The Eagles, with offensive guru Chip Kelly at the helm, will score zero points after scoring just three last week.

The last time a Chip Kelly coached offense scored in the single digits in back-to-back games was…never. It’s never happened before. Not once. Not at New Hampshire (1999-2006) or Oregon (2007-12). Not until now. Welcome to the NFL, Chip!

The NFL’s plan to get an NFL team in London will go great, as the 49ers will demolish the Jaguars. (Just don’t tell the Brits that they will be getting the Jaguars, not the 49ers.)

The AFC West will improve to 7-0 over the NFC East.

The Broncos will have as many wins against NFC East opponents than the NFC East leader will have altogether.

After the Packers take care of the Vikings, I think a legitimate question will be: hey Greg Jennings, how does Aaron Rodgers’ leadership taste?

MOMENT THAT GRINDED MY GEARS ENOUGH TO WRITE ABOUT IT (in letter form)
Dear Dez Bryant,

I know Calvin Johnson. Well, I don’t know him, but I know his work. But the point is, you sir, are no Calvin Johnson.

In your head-to-head matchup on Sunday, you had a very respectable game with three catches for 72 yours and two touchdowns. You might not have seen it while you were yelling at exhorting your teammates, but Johnson had a slightly-better-than-very-respectable-game, with 14 catches for 329 yards and a touchdown. In fact, it was his catch in traffic that led directly to Matthew Stafford’s one-yard plunge for the gamewinning touchdown with seconds left on the clock.

In fact, Johnson had almost half of Matthew Stafford’s 33 completions on the day (42.4 percent), despite facing constant double, triple and quadruple teams.

Much was made leading up to the game about how your numbers are better than Johnson’s when he was 50 games into his career (you had 242 catches for 3,440 yards and 33 TDs; he had 217 for 3,362 and 25 TDs).

But that doesn’t tell the whole story. You have had Tony Romo throwing to you for basically your entire career (with the occasional Jon Kitna here and there), as well as Jason Witten and Miles Austin, etc. to make sure defenses don’t key on you too much.

Here are the quarterbacks Calvin Johnson caught passes from over his first 3.1 years: Jon Kitna (hey, that guy again!), Dan Orlovsky, an out-of-shape Daunte Culpepper and Drew Stanton. Then he had Stafford as a rookie QB.

Here are the receivers Calvin Johnson played with over his first 3.1 years: Shaun McDonald, Roy Williams, Mike Furrey, Bryant Johnson and Dennis Northcutt. It’s a regular “who’s that” of NFL wide receivers.

The point being that if you had to play with those quarterbacks and those receivers, a) there would have been a LOT of yelling on the sidelines, and 2) you wouldn’t have near the numbers Johnson had. Because Johnson got those numbers despite a constant barrage of double, triple sometimes quadruple teams. Do opposing defenses key solely on you, sending two, three sometimes four defenders? Are you able to beat those double, triple sometimes quadruple teams on a regular basis? No, yes, no and no, and sometimes, no and no.

Talent-wise, perhaps one day you will be as good as Calvin Johnson is now. But that’s not enough to be the best. You also have to be professional. You have to practice as hard as you play. You were lucky enough to be on a team that, over your first three years, went 22-26. How do you think you would have reacted if your team went 9-39 over your first three years? Because that’s what Johnson’s Lions did. And you never heard a negative word from the guy. Whatever he was feeling, he kept it to himself.

Here’s another thing: do you know that this is the first time in your career that you’re leading the team in receptions? It’s true. Jason Witten has been the team leader in receptions the past three years. That’s how long it’s taken Romo to fully trust you as a receiver. It took Johnson all of one year before he became his team’s leading receiver, and he has yet to relinquish that mark. Not coincidentally, it also took Johnson all of one year before we started referring to him as possibly (later, definitely) the best receiver in the NFL today.

Dez, I think you’re a very talented wide receiver. Maybe even very good. But you’ll never be the best. That spot is reserved for the one we call Megatron.

Speaking of Calvin Johnson’s nickname, I thinking case you weren’t aware, in Transformers, Starscream was never Megatron’s equal but always wanted to be his better. That seems fairly self explanatory. Plus, you scream a lot. Also, you seem to think of yourself as a star. It really fits too perfectly. Maybe you really ARE Starscream…

Post NFL Week 7 Predictions

Predictions based on the results of Week 7
Congratulations will be in order to the NFC East, which will see its division leader move over .500 for the first time since week 3.
The NFC East and AFC North will remain the only divisions with just one team over .500. No big deal though – not like teams in those divisions have any kind of rabid fan bases or a history of success.
The Giants will pick up their first win of the season against a Vikings team whose only victory was against the Steelers who are in the AFC North!
The Giants’ win will mean that only two teams will remain oh-fer. Both will be from the wonderful state of Florida.
In fact, the best that wonderful state of Florida will have to offer will be Miami, which will see its losing streak extended to three games. 
That same wonderful state of Florida will extend its losing streak to three weeks. Teams in Florida will fall to 3-16.
The three teams from the wonderful state of Florida will see their record in games played in the wonderful state of Florida fall to 1-8.
After the Bucs lose at Atlanta, the Falcons will send a crew in haz-mat suits into Tampa Bay’s locker room.
For the fourth time in seven games, the Jaguars will score in the single digits. On the plus side, their next game is against the 49ers, with the seventh-best scoring defense in the NFL, so nobody will be expecting Jacksonville to score.
The Rams will fall to the Panthers and lose quarterback Sam Bradford for the season in the process. St. Louis will then reach out to the 44-year-old Brett Fav-ruh to see if wants to suit up (he won’t).
Tim Tebow will be all, “who’s a guy gotta pray to to get signed around here?!”
The Patriots will lose to the Jets. It won’t be because of New England’s inability to get into the end zone in the second half while allowing New York to score 17 points in the third quarter and come back from a 21-10 deficit, but because of a penalty that was called incorrectly on the Patriots in overtime as the Jets missed a FG.
It will be a very confusing 24 hours. It also won’t be the first time the Patriots will be involved with a call that doesn’t make a whole lot of sense but was correct. Isn’t that right, Raiders fans?
Monte Kiffin, whose USC defenses gave up 53, 35 and 62 points to Chip Kelly’s Oregon, will hold Chip Kelly’s Eagles to three points.
Monte Kiffin, whose USC defenses practiced against current Eagles quarterback Matt Barkley, will see his Cowboys defense pick the rookie off three times in the fourth quarter.
Bears fans will have a nightmare where their backup quarterback will replace an injured Jay Cutler…which will turn into a pleasant dream where that backup qb will go 14-of-20 for a 204 yards and a touchdown and the team will score 24 points in the second half…which will turn into a nightmare as the defense will give up 45 points including a touchdown with 45 seconds remaining in a loss to the Redskins.
That will actually happen?
Oh.
After week 7, the Redskins and Bears will rank 25thand 26th in the NFL in yards allowed. Apparently, the difference between 25th and 26th place is four points.
The Steelers will beat the Ravens in a classic AFC North slugfest, which would be more impressive if the teams wouldn’t be a combined 5-8 after the game.
After week 7, only one team will be undefeated. If you picked the Chiefs to be that team, then you and I are going to Vegas posthaste.
Teams that play the Seahawks will fall to 0-6 in their next game. Actual prediction: the Falcons will beat the Cardinals next week to make it 0-7.
Hollywood is working on an football movie. It’s about a team that was always a preseason favorite for the Super Bowl, a team that was always “on the cusp.” The season the movie will focus on will show the team win its first two games and then lose its next five, with all the drama that such a losing streak entails.
It will be called, “Remember the Texans.”
MOMENT THAT GRINDED MY GEARS ENOUGH TO WRITE ABOUT IT (in letter form)
Dear Vikings,
Here are the career statistics of four quarterbacks:
Player A: 57.6 completion %, 80 TD, 67 INT, 77.8 QBR
Player B: 59.1 completion %, 88 TD, 67 INT, 79.2 QBR
Player C: 59.2 completion %, 33 TD, 30 INT, 75.8 QBR
Player D: 59.2 completion %, 85 TD, 59 INT, 80.8 QBR
Who are they, you ask? I’ll give you a hint: three of them are on your roster. The other was available during the offseason.
Player C (Christian Ponder) led you to a 10-6 record last season and the playoffs. Sure he was helped by Adrian Peterson’s incredible season, but with very little in the way of wide receivers he was able to throw for just under 3,000 yards with 18 TDs and 12 INTs.
But you thought highly enough of Ponder that instead of getting a QB during the offseason – for example Alex Smith (Player B) – you went out and got him a good receiver in Greg Jennings. Then Ponder fractures his rib on Sept. 22, Matt Cassel (Player D) steps up and leads the team to a 1-1 mark…and you of course then sign Josh Freeman (Player A) to be your starter. Freeman, of course, who was cut by the Buccaneers. After you signed Freeman, head coach Leslie Frazier said that Ponder is the starter if he’s healthy.
Here’s my three-part question: 1) if you didn’t think Ponder was your quarterback of the future, why didn’t you either draft someone or trade for/sign someone like Alex Smith during the offseason? 2) Why do you feel Freeman is a better quarterback than Ponder? 3) If Ponder is your starter when healthy, why even sign Freeman? Cassel led the team to a win over the Steelers and has proven to be a solid NFL quarterback, which is really what you need from your backup. If Ponder is your starter when healthy, why would you sign someone that would make Ponder ponder if he really IS your starter when healthy?
Look at the statistics above. Ponder and Freeman are basically the same, except Ponder has never had a Vincent Jackson or Mike Williams to throw to. Ponder knows your system. Ponder stepped his game up when his team needed him most, throwing for 234 yards and three touchdowns in the final game of the 2012 regular season to lead the Vikings to a 37-34 win over the Packers, punching a ticket to the playoffs in the process.
Minnesota, I worry that you are the girl who dates a jerk thinking she can change him, that he’ll be better with her, that she’ll make him a nicer person. Newsflash – it never works out that way. We are who we are. Quarterbacks who complete under 60 percent of their passes are quarterbacks who complete under 60 percent of their passes, and that’s the way it is.
After his disastrous performance against the Giants (20-of-53, 190 yards, one INT, no offensive points), you told everyone that he wouldn’t play in your next game because of a “concussion,” which I’m going to translate as “he doesn’t know the playbook and we don’t want to embarrass him or us by admitting he wasn’t ready to be our starting quarterback.”
You’re right, concussion sounds better.
Ponder has a chance to replicate his performance from that regular season finale a year ago, as he will get the start against this week’s opponent, the Packers. I for one am hoping that he will prove beyond a shadow of a doubt that he IS the starter when healthy.
At the very least, it will give him a leg up for the new coaching staff next year.

Post NFL Week 6 Predictions

Predictions based on the results of Week 6

The good news for the NFC East: two teams – TWO – will be at .500 after week 6!

The bad news for the NFC East: those two teams will be tied for first place.

The NFC East will be the only division in the NFL whereby the first place teams are not better than .500. On the bright side, the NFC East will finally have more combined wins (seven) than the teams with the best record in the NFL (six)!

The bad news: two teams – TWO – will fall to 0-6.

The good news for the Giants: they will only be three games back of the division leaders.

The good news for the Jaguars: they will totally beat the ridiculous and NFL record-tying 28-point spread that Las Vegas favored the Broncos to win by.

The bad news for the Jaguars: they will still lose by more than two touchdowns.

The good news for the Jaguars: Tim Tebow is avaiiilablllle!

The bad news for the Jaguars: Tim Tebow is available.

In what may be a sign that things they are a-changing in Cincinnati, the Bengals will blow a 14-point fourth-quarter lead to the Bills but still win in overtime.

In what may be a sign that things are not a-changing, the Buccaneers will fall to 0-5 with a loss to the Eagles.

For the third-straight game, the Eagles will have three drives of over three minutes, including their second-longest drive of the season, taking 5:29 in the fourth quarter en route to a field goal. Their longest drive this season: 6:32 against Denver (that also led to a field goal).

Could Chip Kelly finally be learning how to win in the NFL?

Thinking….

Thinking….

After week 6, the combined record of the three teams the Eagles’ will have defeated will be 1-15. But that one win came against Oakland (by Washington), and the Raiders will be 2-4…yeah I wouldn’t hold my breath, Eagles fans.

The Jets will come into week 6 tied for second in the AFC East. The Steelers will come into week 6 dead last in the AFC North. So of course Pittsburgh will defeat New York handily.

Remember when Matt Flynn had that great game with the Packers in 2011, throwing for 480 yards and six touchdowns against Detroit? Since that time, he went to Seattle (where he threw for 68 yards OVER THE ENTIRE 2012 SEASON) and then Oakland (where he threw for 246 yards over two games this season). In fact, he’s been so impressive for the Raiders that they will make the decision to play a concussed* Terrelle Pryor against the Chiefs.

*I’m sure he passed every single concussion test the Raiders gave him with flying colors and was completely and 100-percent healthy for the game.

Pryor will throw three second-half interceptions** as the Chiefs will improve to 6-0.

**I’m sure he passed every single concussion test the Raiders gave him with flying colors and was completely and 100-percent healthy for the game.

The Raiders will cut Flynn, but all is not lost, as he will sign with the Bills, who have a long history of giving fading quarterbacks one more chance (see Leinart, Matt).

The Chiefs’ six wins means they will have already TRIPLED their wins total from a year ago.

In a battle of kinda sorta Super Bowl contenders, the Packers will hold off the Ravens by….and this is crazy…running the ball! Eddie Lacy will become the third GB running back to break the 100-yard plateau this season. It will give the Packers three more 100-yard rushers this season than they had all of 2012. And 2011. And 2010. COMBINED.

In fact, the last time the Packers had three 100-yard rushing games in a season was 2009.

Running the ball! Who knew?!

The Texans will lose their kinda sorts Super Bowl contender status with a home loss to the Rams. Surprisingly, there will be very few “Houston, we have a problem” jokes, even though Houston really does have a problem. In fact, many.

The Patriots, without Wes Welker, Aaron Hernandez, Rob Gronkowski or Danny Amendola, will defeat the Saints in what will so far be the game of the season, scoring a touchdown with seconds remaining in the game.

The reason? Tom Brady’s short hair, of course. “He looks so much better with short hair,” my wife will say.

The 49ers and Seahawks will improve to 4-2 and 5-1, respectively. The Colts, who defeated both San Fran and Seattle, will go into San Diego…and of course lose.

These aren’t your Norv Turner San Diego Chargers anymore.

MOMENT THAT GRINDED MY GEARS ENOUGH TO WRITE ABOUT IT (in letter form)
Dear College Football Playoff…um, people,

Archie Manning. Condoleezza Rice. Ty Willingham.

What do these three people have in common? A week ago, not a whole lot. I mean, Archie Manning played college football, and Ty Willingham coached college football, including the school that Condoleezza Rice attended, and Manning…well maybe Manning voted for Dubya.

Now, however, the three will be a part of the selection committee for the upcoming football playoff, which will begin next season.

Most college football fans have been waiting for a playoff for YEARS, and I think we’re all very excited to see it come to fruition. March Madness is filled with drama and excitement and Adam Morrison’s tears and is probably the greatest three-plus weeks of the sporting year (outside of a year that includes the World Cup). So for college football, arguably the most popular sport this side of the NFL, to have a playoff…well suffice to say it’s going to be a fun couple of weeks.

But before we get to the actual games, we have to pick the four teams to compete. Manning, Rice and Willingham will be a part of that group.

The rest of the group includes Arkansas Athletic Director Jeff Long, Wisconsin AD and former head coach Barry Alvarez, former superintendent of the United States Air Force Academy Lt. Gen. Mike Gould, Southern Cal AD Pat Haden, former NCAA executive vice president Tom Jernstedt, Clemson AD Dan Radakovich, West Virginia AD Oliver Luck, former Nebraska coach and AD Tom Osborne, former BIG EAST commissioner Mike Tranghese and former USA Today college football reporter Steve Wieberg.

Most of these names I don’t mind. You have the big five conferences represented with Long (SEC), Alvarez and Osborne (Big Ten), Haden (Pac 12), Luck (Big 12) and Radakovich (ACC); you have smaller conferences represented in Gould (Mountain West) and Tranghese (American née BIG EAST (and yes I know the BIG EAST is still around but how many times do you really get to use née?)); you have current and former ADs (Alvarez, Long, Osborne and Radakovich); former coaches (Alvarez, Osborne and Willingham) and former players (Haden, Luck and Manning); you have media (Wieberg); you have NCAA (Jernstedt).

My issues are with Manning and Rice. Manning you could make the argument because he played at Ole Miss and was named to the College Football Hall of Fame. But that doesn’t hold a lot of water to me because what has been his involvement with college football since he graduated? He’s been as an analyst on TV and he’s served on the board of the National Football Foundation since 1993, but neither of those qualifications necessarily mean that he’s following all the college football teams closely.

And Rice has minimal qualifications when it comes to college football. Certainly she held an impressive job as Secretary of State, which I’m sure gave her good negotiating skills, so maybe that’s why they picked her? Is it because she’s a fan? I know a lot of fans (I happen to be one), and I don’t think loving college football makes one qualified to pick the four teams that will play for a national championship. Bill Hancock, Executive Director of the BCS, said of Rice that “[she] knows this game, she is a student of this game.” I don’t even know what that means.

Plus, doesn’t it seem strange that Stanford has three representatives on the committee? Rice went to school there and worked there, Willingham coached there and Luck had a son who played there. On the plus side it’s not Notre Dame that college football is over involving.

I guess my issue with picking Manning and Rice to serve on the committee is that it reeks of PR to me. Remember, the BCS is the same organization that in 2005 decided to replace the AP Poll (filled with media members who cover college football for a living) with the Harris Interactive Poll (which has included such college football stalwarts as Terry Bradshaw and Boomer Esiason, guys who talk about the NFL for a living). Sure, Bradshaw and Esiason had name value, sure, but nothing much else when it comes to college football.

But those were the names that the BCS presented to us as proof that the Harris Poll was a viable replacement for the AP Poll. How did the Harris Poll fare, you ask? Well next year college football will have a playoff to replace the BCS. So I guess you could say the Harris Poll fared perfectly well, at least with regards to the destination (just not so much with the journey).

I don’t think, as some have suggested, that one needs to have played college football to serve on the committee. But I do think that one needs to have worked in a college football setting where you’re involved with the day-to-day operations, either as a player or coach, school athletic administrator or conference representative, or media.  Manning has the player part but not much else. Rice has school administrator but not much else.

But what they do have is name recognition, and that sets off the warning bells in my head. Because it reminds me of the Harris Poll, which reminds me of all the issues with the BCS, which reminds me how we finally got to this Playoff in the first place.

Although, if my worries are proved correct, and history is any indication, the College Football Committee will screw up the final four badly enough such that in a few years, we’ll have an eight- or 16-team playoff. Which is what most of the fans want anyway. Viva la BCS!