Month: May 2020

#MarvelMadness

It galls me that Captain America: The First Avenger is not going to be voted the best Marvel movie in this completely arbitrary, fan-based, no-sports-right-now-so-let’s-ask-people-to-vote-on-this bracket done by SB Nation. I have been thinking about this all day. I have a nine-month-old daughter, and thinking about her (if we’re being honest) has been a distant second to thinking about the traveshamockery of the voters, and the bracket.

First things first, let’s get this out of the way: I think Captain America: The First Avenger is not only the greatest Marvel movie, but one of the best movies of all time. I can watch it over and over and over again. In fact, I have watched it over and over and over again. I will watch it over and over and over again, again. The story is great. The acting is great. The cast is incredible. Ignoring Chris Evans and Hayley Atwell and Sebastian Stan, you have Dominic Cooper, Tommy Lee Jones with his dry humor, Hugo Weaving as the bad guy, STANLEY TUCCI. And to top it off? The movie does not have a Hollywood, normal Super Hero ending. It’s a really sad ending. The first time I showed it to my mom, her first comment was “that was such a sad ending!”

So ok that’s taken care of. Now let’s look at the bracket SB Nation put together. All three Captain Americas in the same bracket? Dr. Strange (a great movie) against Captain America First Avenger (a great movie) in the first round? A possible matchup between Guardians of the Galaxy movies in the second round? Nope. So I went ahead and fixed it.

You’re welcome, SB Nation.

Captain America is the ACC; classic, historical, and all three movies make it to the quarterfinals, with two in the final four.

Iron Man is the Pac 12; yes, all three movies are in the bracket, but let’s be honest, there’s really only one that is good, and even that one isn’t quite as good as some of the other movies.

The Avengers movies are the Big Ten; great, but unfortunately, other movies are greater.

Thor is the Big 12; only one movie makes it past its opening matchup but then goes all the way to the finals.

Ant-Man is not a conference but a team: Gonzaga. While it can hold its own against the other, bigger movies, it can’t quite match their firepower.

Spider Man is the SEC; maybe not considered a powerhouse when compared to the rest of the Marvel movie universe but still fun and successful.

My bracket also includes upsets (End Game becomes the first top seed to fall, losing to eventual champion First Avenger, with Infinity War the next top seed to exit, falling to Guardians of the Galaxy in a nailbiter). Thor: Ragnarok defeats Dr. Strange, which is funny (to me), because Dr. Strange appears in Thor: Ragnarok and Thor appears in Dr. Strange. Civil War (which, let’s be honest, is basically another Avengers movie, probably would have made the finals if it were on the opposite side of the bracket but it still would have lost (barely) to First Avenger.

I know the SB Nation final bracket is going to look very different from the one I put together, but I can say with all confidence that their bracket will be wrong. You should only refer to mine as the real one. Captain’s orders.

Egged On

I had my first true full-frustration-with-my-daughter moment, and it didn’t feel good. I was feeding her scrambled eggs, and she was doing everything she could to get the eggs anywhere but in her mouth. She would grab the eggs and then just drop or fling them. I would try to feed her with the spoon and she would knock it away with hands or elbows (or both; she’s going to be a heckuva defender when playing basketball). It really frustrated me. I kept reminding myself that “she’s nine-months-old, she’s not doing this on purpose, etc etc yada yada yada.” But man, it really frustrated me. I finally gave up on the scrambled eggs by themselves, added some sweet potato to hold everything together better, and then the feeding went on without a(nother) hitch. It took me a little while to come down off of that, because man, it REALLY frustrated me.

(Editor’s note: She was bothered not even a little bit. In fact, I think she enjoyed it. And I know for a fact our dog loved it. Incredible edible egg, indeed.)

What I’ve Learned as a Father

I have now been a father for eight and a half months, and I have learned a lot during that time. About myself and…other things. Lots and lots of other things. Way too many other things.

WHAT I’VE LEARNED AFTER BECOMING A FATHER:

I learned there is a lot more to using a blender than putting food in and hitting “blend.”

I learned that avocados are impossible to be cut if they are not SUPER ripe.

I learned that three people — one of them an almost nine-month-old — can go through an entire household supply of silverware. In a single day. Multiple days a week.

I have learned that dishwashers really are a godsend.

I learned that I am very bad at snaps. Like, embarrassingly bad. Like, screwing up on the snaps of her clothes at least twice a day.

I learned a new level of exhaustion. Our daughter sleeps through the night, and we get more sleep now than we did before she arrived, and yet I am completely wiped every hour of every day. I can’t even imagine what it must be like for parents of kids who don’t sleep. My heart, and coffee, goes out to them.

I have learned that ignoring laundry for one day makes the pile seem so insurmountable that one day becomes three days, and all of a sudden we’re doing nothing but laundry.

I learned what a potty mouth I have. I knew I liked to use certain four-letter words, but now that I’m hyper-aware of what actions and words of mine my child will mimic, I really need to cut the $#!+.

I learned that becoming a dad doesn’t automatically make me more mature. It’s like a birthday — suddenly there’s something different about me, but I’m still the same me, so there’s really nothing different about me.

I’ve learned what my wife said about being a parent rings as true now as it did when our daughter was born: “tired, clueless, and completely in love.”